AAP | 9:00AM 26 July 2016
In what appears to be a world first in a Presidential campaign (or perhaps any sort of campaign for that matter) the personal jet of Republican nominee Donald Trump has been stolen.
The Boeing 757 was commandeered by a hitherto unknown crime gang calling itself ‘The Four Horsemen of the Rockalypse’. The distinctive ‘Trump’ decal was removed overnight and sources close to the Federal Bureau of Investigations say detectives are trying to decipher the meaning of the slogan ‘The Yeastie Boys’ which was spray-painted onto the fuselage.
Mr Trump’s Chief of Public Relations, Sue Ridge, said during a packed media briefing: “These criminals will not only be caught and brought to justice but they will burn in Hell. Mr Trump does not travel commercial – end of story.”
While crime experts worldwide scramble to learn more about this audacious but very loud group, a statement released on social media in the early hours of this morning may explain their Robin Hood-style motives. The account is unverified but an apparent spokesman for the gang, identifying himself only as “Wayne” posted: “We simply see it as efficient use of resources. The aeroplane formerly known as ‘Air Force Dumb’ has been wasting fuel and generating so much hot air for so long, we just thought we would do something useful with it and bring rock and roll to the good people at the Tech Conference in Adelaide.”
Interpol’s finest analysts from Washington to London are reportedly still trying to work out what the hell that is supposed to mean, plus find out where Adelaide is. Meanwhile, Mr Trump has been seen testing a hot air balloon for use in future campaign travel. Responding to questions about the suitability of this form of transport, a spokesman for Mr Trump’s security detail simply shrugged his shoulders and said, “What could possibly go wrong?”
The Yeastie Boys. Tonight. Adelaide. Click here for tickets.